Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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