So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
