i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
