She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
