I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
