Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Alive.
So much puke
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
