So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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