We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
