My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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