Got a toothbrush?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize