saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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