I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
