Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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