I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
