It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
