somebody snuck up and got me drunk
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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