guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
