i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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