I can tuck mytits in my pants
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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