Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
