I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
