Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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