Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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