if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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