I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
