i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
