I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
