man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
