She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
