i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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