my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
