My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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