I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
