i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
