Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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