you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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