Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
