Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need a hoe opinion
go on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
