Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
