so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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