YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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