I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
