can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
