allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
