I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
