remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My feet surprised me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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