he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
