need another drink. this is the easiest way
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
