i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
