No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
