More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
